Bon Appétit – Part 4, The Monitor and the Merrimack

Our intrepid Gourmet Club president is almost done with her monologue. Take another sip of coffee and listen in…

What about Gloria and Jack, you say, what have I heard? I should like to say up front, without reservation, and I’ve already cleared this with my lawyer, that neither the Gourmet Club nor any of its members is in any way responsible for the outcome of events that evening at the Lobster Palace. Food was not the only problem that night, as you might recall. It was the confluence of several bad things happening to one good person.

I mean, Hello? Friday night at one of the leading seafood restaurants in the entire metro region and not one, not one, mind you, doctor or paramedic or even a simple Boy Scout in the room. What are the odds of that? I don’t know about the rest of you but I was surprised to see how fast a person could move from being in the middle of a normal conversation to choking to death. They say a shellfish allergy can strike at any time, like a thief in the night. One minute you’re happy, well, if you don’t mind the pun, as happy as a clam and the next moment your throat is constricting, everything’s going blurry, and you can barely make out that last light at the end of a long tunnel. It’s possible to eat shellfish or even fish your entire life without a problem and then, suddenly, without warning, BAM, it’s showtime. Of what value is an allergic reaction anyway? Really? If I were God, the second thing I’d do is get rid of allergies, right after mosquitoes.  No more sneezing. What a waste of good energy. It’s not as if you feel better after sneezing. You feel better after a great meal or great sex, a sip of a great red wine, but after a great sneeze? You feel worse. Your nose is all clogged up, your neck hurts, and you start talking like Elmer Fudd.

All’s well that ends well, and Gloria was going to be okay, as it turned out. But we didn’t know that at the time. It was, quite frankly, one of the worst conclusions to a Gourmet Club dinner in our history, and that includes the awful grease fire that resulted in the couple formerly known as Ken and Marsha getting a fully loaded and updated kitchen, thanks to an insurance claim that actually paid off. What were the odds of that?

Okay, I think there’s just one more passage.

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