Bon Appétit – Part 3, The Mononucleosis

We pick up our story somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. We’re on a big ship. In fact, it’s so big it’s the largest ship afloat (for awhile anyway) and It is the wee hours of the morning on April 15, 1912 . Wait a minute. Sorry. That’s a different story. Our story is about a gourmet club gone south, and involves ice but mostly from a ice cube tray.

[She SIGHS]

So many changes in the last ten months, I don’t know where to begin. Kyle and Susie, as we all know and appreciate, hosted our Gourmet Club’s annual Hawaiian Luau barbecue. Let’s face it, only serious gourmands would keep a huge pit in their own backyard and spend two days cooking a whole hog. I know I couldn’t do it. Remember when Susie’s mother got tanked on wine spritzers and fell into the pit? Kyle thought it was hilarious. The rest of us, not so much. All I could think of was it was a good thing we weren’t doing the Luau that weekend. But think of the suburban sacrifice: an open pit. If I built a pit in my yard I’d be violating about two dozen of my condo association’s CC&Rs. Yes, these two dedicated cooks and eaters were more than happy to carve out part of their beautiful, professionally landscaped yard to cook one pig each year. Now that, my friends, is the kind of team spirit and food über alles that made the Gourmet Club the great success it was for more than seven years.

Recently — and unfortunately, if I might inject a personal note — they both decided to become vegan.

And finally, there’s Collier and Barbara, Babs. Always ahead of the pack. Early adopters. Pioneers. As far as I know, they were the first couple in the tri-state area to commit fully to a Gluten-free diet. Alas, they, too, and it grieves me to say this, went vegan.

Truth be told, vegan is still doable for a gourmet group. But as I learned from their email, Collier and Babs recently traded up — or down — to something known as Fruitarianism. These days they’re only eating fruits and nuts — how appropriate is that?  What’s the popular expression about such and such on steroids? I’m sorry, you two, but that’s what Fruitarianism sounds like to me: a vegan on steroids. I don’t know. All those fruits. a bunch of nuts. Maybe it will work. I certainly hope it will work because I don’t know what comes next. A diet of sticks and stones?

[stay tuned; there’s more to come after this brief commercial break about a new drug you can only get from your doctor for a made-up condition nobody’s ever heard of before]

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