The Amazing Racists
Ten teams of two race around the continental United States in attempts to please a 70-year-old infantile narcissist. The ultimate scavenger hunt for scavengers.
Producer’s note: These episodes were pre-recorded. Because of the volatility of the times, some team members may already have been fired, are no longer in the game, or have disappeared from sight.
Author’s note: The only reality show I watch is The Amazing Race, probably because I can’t afford to do much travelling these days. Accordingly, The Amazing Racists is an affectionate nod to the reality show and a parody with political touches. My apologies to other fans of The Amazing Race but not to racists—you know who you are.
Episode 7: Who Cut the Cheesehead?
With only five teams left, tension rises as they head back north to Janesville, Wisconsin, home turf for half of Team Spineless, aka Team Weasel. Teams have to wear the state’s famous cheesehead hats while clogging and singing the University of Wisconsin fight school in front of out-of-work teachers. Once the teachers give them a passing grade, teams move on to Milwaukee to meet Sheriff David A. Clarke Jr. When a team snatches the sheriff’s famous cowboy hat off his head without getting shot, they can move on to Green Bay. At the Packers’ world-famous Lambeau Field, all teams hit a Roadblock that requires one player from each team to devour twenty bratwursts in five minutes. Team Father Loves Me Best uses one of their Express Passes and travels to Paris, France, for dinner instead at a Michelin three-star restaurant. After narrowly escaping elimination in episode 4 and episode 6, Team Civil Rights Are For Losers finally gets eliminated when Rudy Giuliani chokes on a wiener and teammate Jeff Sessions recuses himself from performing mouth-to-mouth CPR. In the first major upset of the season, Team Uday Qusay finishes ahead of Team Father Loves Me Best, who linger in Paris too long over dinner.